When I been hurt in the past I've had several ways to deal with the pain: I lashed out violently, used drugs to take the edge off, or the good old fashioned "Ignoring the problem". In the past those solutions worked great, hell they never failed. Problem is, none of those "Soulutions" are applicable to me any more.
Violence is something I've been trying to keep in my past, its something that has plauged my family for generations, something so intergrated into who I am that the majority of my teen years revolved around fighting. I was good at it, one of the best in this state, mayby even the nation. Bar fight or boxing match, I loved it all. I didnt always win, but by the end of the fight I made sure the other guy wished he had never started it. Even today, sometimes I find myself itchin for a fight, a chance to push myself, to forget even for a moment, the pain I feel. However, I know that would cause pain and worry to my loved one, and if nothing else at the very least I can keep myself in check for her
Drugs havent been a viable option since my Jr. year. In my early years of high school sober and choherant days were few and far between, at any and all opprotunities I was completly wasted. For two and a half years I wandered through life in a chemical induced haze, its not something Im proud of but I figured if I'm gonna take time to write this it might as well be the truth. Eventually a time came in which no matter how much I used it wasnt enough to cover the pain. It was during this brief time of sobriety I began to see what my life had become, what I was turning into, what I had turned the lifes of those close to me into. If it was simply ruining my life I proably wouldnt have gave a damn, but when I realized I was dragging the few people who cared for down as well, I knew I had to put a end to it. I went cold turkey on everthing at once, alchol, uppers, and downers. That first week I went through hell, pain so bad that my body simply shutdown, but I made it. Here I am today almost four years latter, still clean, havent fallen off once. Its strange people allways talk about how much they miss there vice when they quit, but for me I avoid it all, not because temptation, but because it makes me physicaly ill. Guess I just got lucky.
Finally a fan favorite that everyone uses, ignoring the problem. Persoanly Im not a very big fan of this one, I've always viwed it as weak. Even so, when Im hurt and dont know what to do, I still resort to it. It ends up making me feel powerlees and pathetic, which in the end only makes things worse. I cant really recall anytimes I havevused this method, but its proably my mind blocking out the shame and regret.
Now I have a much different way of dealing with my problems. Its a way that I would have never been able to achive without my Love. She showed me that I could be a stronger person than I thought possible. By supporting me she has allowed me to grow and change as a person, Im not afraid of messing up and falling down, because I know that she will be there to pick my big whiny ass up. She has allowed me a new solution, and its the best. Face the Truth. Not run away,not to fight and hide from it, but to simply face it, accept it and move on. It has helped me overcome some extremly difficult times, it doesnt take the pain away, but it allows me to move past it. Its a very beautiful thing.